Can’t Speak English. Really?

It’s been a while since I’ve posted due to lots of things going on. Lots of things happening – mostly good.

Work is very busy at the moment. If we’re lucky we get chance to breathe.

A young chap called me today on behalf of his mom. I told him I needed her permission to discuss the details, to which he replied: ‘You can’t speak to her. She doesn’t speak English.’

I said I still needed her permission. He asked me what I wanted to say to her so I explained I just needed her permission to discuss information with him. He repeated all this to his mother in their own language. She then came on the phone and answered my request. All well and good.

The discussion I had with the young chap centred around the boiler. I asked if it had been serviced every year.

‘I don’t know.’ He replied.

‘Can you ask your mom?’

‘Mom. Has the boiler been serviced every year?’ He asked her in English!

I wonder if he had forgotten that she doesn’t speak English!

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Buying Expensive Items

When buying a large expensive item it’s common place to do your research and you check out all the details of it before buying. You look at the model and what it’s capable of, it’s capacity, what it’s powered by, etc. Whether it’s a house, a car, a boiler, a washer, a computer, or any other expensive item.

Part of my job is to register new boilers and it’s unbelievable how many people do not know what boiler they have. They have gone out and purchased an item that could have cost a couple of thousand pound and they have no idea what model it is. If this wasn’t bad enough, some of them don’t even know when it was installed in their own home, or what powers it!

So a homeowner has paid a complete stranger for an expensive item that they know nothing about, asking said complete stranger to enter their home on a random date, rip out a major appliance that provides heating and hot water, install an appliance they know nothing about or how it works, and they’ve paid several hundred or a couple of thousand pounds for said stranger to do it. Incredible.


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What Model Of Boiler?

A customer called up to take boiler cover. I asked the person for their name: ‘It’s Mr Derek A…’ said a very feminine voice. Anyway, who am I to say whether the person on the phone is male or female? I used the name I was given thinking if it’s not correct I’ll soon be put right.

‘What model of boiler is it, Mr A…?’

‘It’s one that fixes on the wall.’

I explained that I needed the model of the boiler and where it could be found. I then heard Mr A… turn to someone else, who sounded male, and ask, ‘What model of boiler is it?’

The male voice responded with, ‘it’s one that does the radiators’.

‘Don’t be stupid. They all do the radiators.’ Snapped Mr A…

Needless to say that I didn’t get the information I needed and sat there for the next few minutes with my hand over my mouth.

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Hard To Believe

If I didn’t work in a call centre I would find the following very hard to believe. However, the following experiences from myself and my colleagues are, unfortunately, true.

Agent: What model of boiler do you have?
Customer: It’s a shiny white one.

Agent: How would you like to pay?
Customer: You can use the cheque I sent in last year for this years payment as well.

Agent: What model of boiler do you have?
Customer: You should know. Your husband installed it.
Agent: My husband does not install boilers.
Customer: Well, your son then!

Agent (for the 3rd time): Can I have your address please?
Customer: Oh don’t you have it?
Silence
Agent (for the 4th time): Can. I. Have. Your. Address. Please?

Names have been changed in the following to protect the guilty.
Agent: Can I take your name please?
Customer: It’s Becky.
Agent: Surname?
Customer: Martin.
Agent: The policy is under a different name could I please speak to that person?
Customer: I’m the policy holder.
Agent: The name on the policy is Miranda Dickson, so if you are the policy holder who is Becky Martin?
Customer: That is my work colleague.

What is happening to the education in this country?


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I Have A Photo

A recent customer began to tell me that she had got a new boiler installed but she wasn’t at all happy. She was the homeowner, but whether she had purchased the boiler herself or had it installed under a government scheme I do not know.

She told me that she didn’t like the look of this boiler. She said it was working perfectly fine, but she did not like the look of it.

‘I want to speak to someone about this boiler.’ She demanded. ‘It looks horrible. I have a photo of it here.’

Well, firstly I can’t see the photo down the phone. Secondly I’m sure the boiler manufacturer will be overjoyed to hear that someone thinks the boiler looks bad. Thirdly, I’m sure the manufacturer will bend over backwards to cosmetically enhance her boiler for her.

I put her through to the manufacturers. I reckon it would make their day.

I wonder if she wanted gemstones added to it, or a smiley face, or perhaps she thought clothes would make it look better?


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Serial Numbers

Most if not all appliances have a serial number. It’s a unique code of letters or numbers, or both, that is added to the appliance when it’s manufactured. It helps the producer to track a product for quality control, indicating the model of the appliance, when it was made, and various other details. We often require the serial number to insure an appliance, such as a boiler.

A lady called me a few days ago and offered me the serial number for her boiler. I was expecting to be asked for the model of her boiler, or whether parts were still available. But no. She gave me the serial number expecting me to tell her where the boiler was installed!

As if the manufacture would know where each boiler was going to be installed before they actually sold it. Now that would be something.


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A Photo!

‘Can I take the model of the boiler please?’ I asked the gentleman who called in to register his new appliance.

‘I don’t know the model, but my wife has sent me a photo.’ He told me sincerely.

Well how exactly am I going to register a boiler from a photo held by a customer at the other end of the country? Maybe he thought he could describe a square, white box to me and I would, obviously, know exactly which boiler it just happened to be. Or did he think I could actually see this photo while I was on the phone? I don’t yet know of any call centre that does video calling with customers. That would be interesting.

Not to mention that the model and serial numbers are going to be quite small and so they wouldn’t be seen on a photo.

This man was a member of a professional occupation. Certainly a profession that I would expect to know what they were doing. Anything other that would be extremely frightening in his particular career. In fact it doesn’t bear thinking about.

‘Can you help me with a pain I have in my back?’

‘Send me a photo.’


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